He did not say it lightly. "Vincent, I think, is closer to graduating than he realizes. And he is the reason I made a real effort this time. I want him to know he matters, and can make an impact on others."
He offered a light shrug. "We haven't had a serious heart to heart since I received the file, but I plan to invite him over after the flood."
"Dating is the easiest thing you can do here. But Hanna can be a bit of a project," he says without any malice. "And Vincent is - even in that relationship, he's the fucking responsible one."
"Oh, I thought he would be, and from what little Hanna had seen...he's the fun one. I know mostly of relationship trouble, and...mine isn't traditional, currently."
Not with Varker, or John. Since, well, Varker was technically a friend.
"Yeah, mine ain't neither. But - no. Control isn't like that. He doesn't like it. It's more complicated than that. We trained the kids, in our cult, to control themselves. Conditioned them to be monitor themselves because obedience would be rewarded and deviation is shamed. That control extended automatically to others. If they cared about their friends, they'd help keep them in line." He lets out a breath. "So relationships can seem conditional later. They get afraid of being controlled and also a fear of being abandoned. Father Vincent is - well, he's self aware enough to recognize that. But control, for people there, is a tricky subject. And it isn't something we like."
But he listened, knowing that the cult that he had been in that other life- as Vassal, as cult leader- was vastly different. That dealt with madness. Jacob spoke of conditioning and control, and this was something that Jacob would understand. This was far more of Vincent's experience, it seemed.
He slowly nodded. "This is very tricky, especially when I am in a position of authority over Vincent. We at least can argue, productively, without malice. However- if you have any advice in helping a young man...separate himself from an unhealthy mentality...I would appreciate it."
He winces a little. "Eh, now that's the hard part. That involves a whole lot of therapy. And persistence. And making sure that he keeps being aware of his own tendencies."
"And I'm still learning how therapy works." He admitted. "I'm from the 1930s. We didn't have anything like what Sam Walls does here. It sounds more that I'll be...more gently coaxing when he slips."
No raised voices, no snapping. Vincent would cringe, and trust would be lost.
Jacob nods. "Yeah. I mean, I don't know Sam, but uh - yeah. That shit stays
with you. Fortunately, the things Vincent would do wrong wouldn't be
anything worth yelling about."
"I avoid all the shrinks around here," he admits. "Spent a lot of time in therapy with people who don't understand the shit that I went through. That does more harm than good. And that's what I worry about with Father Vincent."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He notices immediately. You don't survive as the child of a drunk without noticing.
"Kitchen's fine," he says, following him. "How have you been?"
no subject
"Though it has been full of changes. What with being paired with Vincent, and stopping my drinking."
He went over to the counter to grab the scones, and place them on the table.
no subject
"And uh - kind of wanted to talk to you about that. The pairing. How's it been going?"
no subject
He did not say it lightly. "Vincent, I think, is closer to graduating than he realizes. And he is the reason I made a real effort this time. I want him to know he matters, and can make an impact on others."
He offered a light shrug. "We haven't had a serious heart to heart since I received the file, but I plan to invite him over after the flood."
no subject
no subject
"He had me read everything. Abd Vincent...in a flood...came across me when I was in a life where I had been a cult leader."
It had been an ugly flood for him.
no subject
"How did he react?"
no subject
Oscar grimaced. "We're all right now, and we discussed things but- it was enlightening."
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"I think I was about to go to Canada, but was still going through schooling for becoming a priest. Yourself?"
no subject
He shrugs. "Point is...I didn't know a damn thing. Neither did you. Neither does he."
no subject
"But I agree. He was drowning, all things considered, back home. He hasn't had support, which he should have had."
no subject
He knows. He had Alexei. And he adores him, but it's hard. "Especially when they're fully grown kids who have lived a whole damn life."
no subject
He sighed, shaking his head. "He's...I hope he is making future plans. Wanting a future away from the mindset that he can't effect anything big."
no subject
no subject
Not with Varker, or John. Since, well, Varker was technically a friend.
"But I think Vincent likes the control."
no subject
Relationship, Father?
He doesn't ask.
"Yeah, mine ain't neither. But - no. Control isn't like that. He doesn't like it. It's more complicated than that. We trained the kids, in our cult, to control themselves. Conditioned them to be monitor themselves because obedience would be rewarded and deviation is shamed. That control extended automatically to others. If they cared about their friends, they'd help keep them in line." He lets out a breath. "So relationships can seem conditional later. They get afraid of being controlled and also a fear of being abandoned. Father Vincent is - well, he's self aware enough to recognize that. But control, for people there, is a tricky subject. And it isn't something we like."
no subject
It was complicated. Like feelings.
But he listened, knowing that the cult that he had been in that other life- as Vassal, as cult leader- was vastly different. That dealt with madness. Jacob spoke of conditioning and control, and this was something that Jacob would understand. This was far more of Vincent's experience, it seemed.
He slowly nodded. "This is very tricky, especially when I am in a position of authority over Vincent. We at least can argue, productively, without malice. However- if you have any advice in helping a young man...separate himself from an unhealthy mentality...I would appreciate it."
no subject
no subject
No raised voices, no snapping. Vincent would cringe, and trust would be lost.
no subject
Jacob nods. "Yeah. I mean, I don't know Sam, but uh - yeah. That shit stays with you. Fortunately, the things Vincent would do wrong wouldn't be anything worth yelling about."
no subject
He offered a gentle shrug.
"But I agree. Nothing worth yelling about."
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)